One of the most important things about taking a casual and friendly relationship with a Japanese woman to the next level is also possibly the largest stumbling block that, if not handled correctly, will destroy the chances of getting the girl and solidifying the romance.
As men, we prefer to progress quickly through as few stages as possible when we pursue a romantic interest. But for many Japanese women, there may be dozens if not hundreds of smaller stages before our coveted conclusion comes to pass. To win her over and gain her trust, you will need to successfully progress from stage to stage — jumping through the numerous hoops that she has placed in your path — before she will let down her defensive walls and begin to view you as a possible boyfriend.
By nature, Japanese women are cautions about starting a new emotionally romantic relationship. I use the word “emotionally” because some aggressive Japanese women will move into a physically intimate relationship right away. These brief flames of romance are never intended to go beyond the mere physical. They are just a way to relieve stress, briefly boost her ego, or both. They are “here today and gone tomorrow.” But when a Japanese woman is looking for a true relationship, she move will move much slowly and carefully. This is the kind of woman that you will most likely meet.
Japanese women who are attracted to you are looking for the signs that you are interested in more than just “physical” activities. They want to know who you really are before moving on to a deeper relationship. They will keep you at arms length, often throwing up barriers and challenges that you must respond to in what they believe is the correct way to react. And since this can differ from woman to woman, it can be a true challenge, indeed. The key is to continue to show your interest in her: send her text messages or call her from time to time to chat. Something important to remember, though: never drop in on her at her office or at her home. That kind of invasion of privacy will do more to damage the relationship than to strengthen it.
Don’t over do it, as well. Observe her carefully. If she happily returns your messages or phone calls, then you are on the right track. Continue with this even if she declines your offers for a date. If she really is attracted to you, she will come around in her own time. Don’t rush her.
If, on the other hand, your messages remain unanswered or your phone calls are reacted to with an “I can’t talk now, maybe sometime I will be free to talk” then it’s time for you give up the battle. Game over.
There are many ideas being tossed around as to why Japanese women (and women in general) play these hard-to-get games with men. Some believe that women just like to see how far they can push a man. It gives them a sense of power. Others believe that such games give women a boost in their self-esteem, self-confidence, and yes, even their ego. Whatever the reason may be, don’t become discouraged. If she isn’t coming around to your side then let her be. Wasting your time and your emotions on long, drawn out games that only aggravate you will only darken the relationship should it ever begin. Be as patient as you can — but don’t persevere beyond the point that you feel comfortable with.
On a final note, let me remind you again that not all Japanese women will act this way. Everyone has their own internal pace. Some women might want you to make more romantic advances early on in the courtship — with the failure to do so leading her to believe that you’re just not interested in her. And once that happens, it’s often very hard to re-ignite her feelings to what they once were. Remember to go slowly, take your time, push into romantic territory little by little, and if all goes well (and she truly is attracted to you) then a great relationship is just a heartbeat away!