Style Invitational Week 1412: Jumble bells

Submit up to 25 entries at wapo.st/enter-invite-1412 (no capitals in the Web address). Deadline is Monday, Dec. 7; results appear Dec. 27 in print, Dec. 24 online.

Winner gets the Lose Cannon, our Style Invitational trophy, or more likely its replacement trophy (TBA). Second place receives this holiday essential: a headdress of inflatable reindeer antlers that serve as a ringtoss game. The Empress herself wore this fashion statement at the last Style Invitational Post-Holiday Party, back in January, which feels like some previous century where people stood next to one another and schmoozed. Obtained by the Royal Consort at an office (ditto) gift swap (dittoditto).

The Style Conversational: The Empress’s weekly online column discusses each new contest and set of results. See this week’s, published late afternoon, Nov. 25, at wapo.st/conv1412.

New “You’re Invite” podcast episode: An interview with Chuck Smith of Woodbridge, whose dominated the Invite in the early days. It’s a great listen. See bit.ly/invite-podcast.

Go Fun Me: Tweaked charity names from Week 1408

In Week 1408 we asked you to tweak the name of a charity or other nonprofit, and describe the new cause.

4th place:

Big Bothers of America: Help support our much-maligned telemarketers and bots! (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

3rd place:

GUNICEF: Please donate now to provide firearms to underprivileged children around the world. (John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.)

2nd place

and the Froot Loops socks:
Wounded Worrier Project: Funds physical therapy for those whose hands have been injured by too much wringing. (Terri Berg Smith, Rockville, Md.)

And the winner of the Lose Cannon:

The “Not Your” Conservancy: We protect the lands and waterfront properties of rich folks everywhere. (John McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.)

The March of Dims: Honorable mentions

American Association of Pretired Persons: For work-weary souls under 50. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.; Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

American Lunk Association: Our best-selling T-shirt, “Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat,” has saved countless lives with its simple reminder. (Jon Gearhart)

American KidMe Foundation: Remember us with your support every April Fools’ Day. (Martha Powers, Lake Frederick, Va., a First Offender)

American Sybil Liberties Union: Defending all your individuals’ rights. (John Bauer, Gaithersburg, Md.; Barry Herman, Laurel, Md.)

Auntie Defamation League: “That’s not true! Her fruitcake IS edible!” (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

Bitter Business Bureau: Where companies can vent about their crummy customers since 1987. (Steve Smith, Potomac, Md.)

Brave the Children: Association of Day Care Center Employees. (Jack McBroom, Williamsburg, Va.)

Capitol Food Bank: Providing healthy meals to undeserved members of Congress. (John Klayman, Fairfax, Va. a First Offender)

Cher, Our Strength: Devoted to promoting the philosophy and wisdom of the Goddess of Pop. (Jeff Contompasis)

Combined Federal Pain: Helps citizens deal with anxiety stemming from all three branches of government. (Bruce Carlson, Alexandria, Va.)

Easter’s Eels: Group dedicated to replacing lamb with unagi for a holiday meal. (John McCooey)

Fake a Wish Foundation: Helping sick children meet their favorite celebrity — well, impersonator. (Hannah Seidel, Alexandria, Va.; Jon Gearhart)

Future Harmers of America: Help us continue the work of the past four years! (Andrew Rosenberg, New York)

Girl Scots of America: Try our newest cookie flavor, Haggis-tastic! (Hannah Seidel)

Hefner International: Provides bunnies to Third World farmers. (Dudley Thompson, Cary, N.C.)

Heftier International: Bringing America’s overeating habits to the hungry of the world. (Allan Zackowitz, Brookeville, Md.)

International Red Croissant: Airlifting much-needed French pastries into disaster zones. (Francesca Huemer Kelly, Highland Park, Ill.)

Keister Seals: Providing resources to keep blowhards from talking out of their butts. (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)

March of Mimes: “!” (Jeffrey Schamis, Washington)

4-F Council: Providing solace to those with bone spurs. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, Va.; Zachary Levine, Rockville, Md.)

March of Dames: Raising funds to defeat misogynists. Motto: Grab them by the pushke*! (Beryl Benderly, Washington) *Yiddish for a charity collection box.

Parrots Without Partners: Supporting the Polly-amorous among us. (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

Save the Chilled Wren: Knitting sweaters for our feathered friends since 1997. (Ellen Oakes, Severna Park, Md., a First Offender)

Shave the Children: Depilatories for needy were-tots. (J. Larry Schott, West Plains, Mo.)

Spleen Actors Guild: Emoting our guts out since 1933. (Richard Franklin, Alexandria, Va.)

The College Bored: Creator of the Scholastic Indifference Test (SIT), which tests a student’s college readiness for an 8 a.m. 90-minute lecture class taught by an inexperienced grad student who is just reading the professor’s notes. (Ward Kay, Vienna, Va.)

The Pew-Pew-Pew! Charitable Trusts: Protecting every child’s right to use a stick as a laser gun. (Ben Shouse, Silver Spring, Md.; Barry Herman)

The Salivation Army: When they ring those bells on the street corner, you’ll find yourself compelled to give! (Ken Kaufman, Derwood, Md.; Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.)

The See Error Club: International Society for Grammar Pedants. Well, actually it’s just the North American division, and it also includes punctuation pedantry. (Frank Mann, Washington)

World Mildlife Fund: Committed to protecting pet guinea pigs and hamsters. (Mark Calandra, Wenham, Mass.)

Environmental Suspense Fund: Betting on natural disasters before they occur. (Jane Auerbach, Los Angeles)

Doctors Without Orders: Providing non-judgmental “health care” to overweight couch-potato smokers. (David Kleinbard, Mamaroneck, N.Y.)

I Halve a Dream: Helping America’s youth set attainable goals. (Jon Gearhart)

People for Edible Treatment of Animals: Promoting the meat tenderizer industry. (Peter Jenkins, Bethesda, Md.)

The Untied Way: Helping hard-working Americans untangle their ear buds, garden hoses, and Christmas lights. (Frank Mann)

And Last: Make-a-Wit Foundation: If you send me some cash, I’ll put your name on my next inking entry! (Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.)


Still running — deadline Monday night, Nov. 30: our contest for bad endings to a novel. See wapo.st/invite1411.

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