You're unhappy and everyone around you seems to be unhappy as well. What's going on?
You've probably invested too much of yourself in the idea of perfection. You've come to believe that every single, tiny detail has to go off without a hitch in order for your wedding to be wonderful. You've made a series of internal decisions, which have led you farther and farther away from your true self.
The result is that you get tunnel vision. You're unable to see that you've become obsessed and driven about your wedding day. Things you might not even care so much about in your normal life, suddenly take on the power of a freight train! When other people do not measure up to your need for perfection, you go bonkers. Everything becomes overly dramatic; you're either depressed or easily agitated. When other people try to give you feedback about your urgent demands, they can seem like they just do not understand how important something is to you. Furthermore, a bridezilla can become aware that everyone's kind of backing away. Most people are pretty romantic at heart. They will try their best to make you happy. But if your requests detach from the normal, people will start to try to put space between you and them.
A perfect example of this was revealed by a member of a wedding party. The bride had decided two weeks before the wedding that she needed fifty-six, hand-beaded streamers to fly in the wind. This is a beautiful idea, but the request went beyond reason for a couple of important reasons: the bride did not ask the wedding party member if she was willing to accomplish this feat- she demanded that it be done. The bride did not consider the fact that her attendant had a full-time job and responsibilities at home. The wedding is all consuming to you, but it probably is not to all the people around you. Keep your requests to a reasonable level.
o You know you've turned into a bridezilla when you became totally obsessed with the wedding. Remember, your friends and family love you. They may be very excited about the Special Day, but they want to enjoy that day with you, not a frazzled, demanding stranger.
The key here is to not let your wedding take over every moment of your life. Keep doing and enjoying the things you love – the things that reflect who you really are. We know, time is at a premium here, but we want you to arrive at the wedding with your true self intact. We want the people around you to be able to rejoice in the occasion, not bump their shoulders and groan, "Thank goodness that's over!"
Hopefully, you have a best friend who can be your emotional barometer. Ask her ahead of time to let you know if you're becoming a bridezilla. Make a pact with her that it's okay to let you know that you're crossing boundaries or behaving in a way that does not reflect who you really are inside.
o You might just be a bridezilla when other people consistently begin to react badly to your ideas. Brides can lose their cooperative and collaborative spirit. They can be controlling, demanding and out of touch with the needs and capacity of other people. If you see people start to crumple around you when you ask for something, you know you're asking for too much.
People love to help others. That's part of our basic nature. But when we're asked to give beyond our ability to give, the result is withdrawal, irritation and frustration.
One bride we know asked all of her attendees to use up their vacation time from their jobs in order to come early and help her with the wedding. Needless to say, except for her sister, the rest of the women was this request that was over the top.
o A great clue about whether or not you've become a bridezilla can come from the vendors you deal with. Yes, we're all for assertive in your requests for your Special Day. However, there's a line between assertive and just plain obnoxious. Most sellers are very eager to please you. They're used to dealing with a lot of different types of brides. If you see them rolling their eyes, you know you've become a bridezilla. You've maxed out the capacity of even a professional vendor!
o A bridezilla blames everyone else when something goes wrong. Remember, the key point here is that bridezillas have lost touch with the spirit of cooperation and collaboration. They've focused on their personal idea of perfection. When others do not perform in a way that will ensure perfection, the bridezilla can blow up! We've seen a lot of beautiful, ordinarily kind and compassionate women become bridezillas because of their need for perfection. Suddenly, it's like they've become a whole different person. You may feel that your entire future rests on the right color of unity candle, but the people around you probably do not see it that way. If you request something and it does not quite meet your internal idea of perfection, stop for a moment and ask yourself about what's really important to you – is it really critical that your candle be ivory instead of butter cream? Is a blow up over the color of your candle really consistent with who you really are inside? Can you allow yourself to calm down, center, and get back to what's vital to you and what's really obsessing?
If you're spending a lot of time getting frustrated and angry with other people because they "just do not understand how important this is to me," you've probably become a bridezilla.