As a life coach, the # 1 problem I see women make in relationships is: WOMEN BEING MEN.
Are you dragging your man around?
I was out to dinner one night with my girlfriend, Tammy. As we were leaving the restaurant, she casually mentioned, "I'm dragging Steve to see The Way of the Peaceful Warrior with me tomorrow night."
It appeared she was using her masculinity to initiate, organize and "drag" her boyfriend to the movie. My Queen instinct felt an imbalance.
We women spend an intense amount of our time DOING, which is using masculine energy. We are so highly involved in the masculine activities of working, accomplishing, money making, providing, protecting, problem solving, etc., that we get used to surviving and even succeeding in the masculine mode. Our masculine abilities serve us well at work or with young kids, not in romance.
We are taught to revere, trust and even idolize the masculine, action-oriented way of doing life. The result is, we have gotten out of practice at being feminine, and we have also lost our faith in its power and purpose.
The truth is …
Men are great at being Kings all on their own. A King is not attracted to his Queen's masculine side.
So when a woman is masculine with her man (initiating / directing / conquering) OR if she plays mommy with her man (providing / protecting him like he's a child) a man has 2 options:
1) to have like he is in competition with another man or
2) to be weakened like a little boy or
Back to the story …
Well sure enough, I got a call at 6:30 pm on Friday from Tammy, inviting ME to see the movie with her.
I asked, "What had happened to your boyfriend?" She shared a variety of unpleasant exchanges that occurred between them … everything from him saying he could not go "because he had to work late," to "maybe he could", "okay, hurry up and get ready and let's go. "
After the passive-aggressive rollercoaster ride, her joy was completely lost in sharing the movie experience with him. (Not to mention the irony that the movie was called, The Peaceful Warrior!)
When a woman is masculine with her man, she can expect him to be competitive or resentful. The results that occur are that men will ever look elsewhere or give up and shut down emotionally.
A man will resent the woman who he thinks disempowered him. He typically can demonstrate this with his anger or withholding himself from his woman or domineering over her. We see Tammy's boyfriend did all of the above.
# 1 Answer for a Woman's Success in Romance:
When you want to have chemistry with a man, DO NOT BE A MAN!
Our role as Queens is to be a powerful, feminine, confident and a successful counterpart to our King (or the King you're wanting to attract!) Femininity includes being insightful, creative, spiritual, intuitive, receptive, non-linear .. .powerful in a soft way.
Being feminine in your romantic relationship is a gift you give yourself AND your King. It allows for a beautiful balance of the masculine and feminine to coexist, dance together and unite. It also creates a valuable and powerful role for each person-letting the woman be feminine and the man masculine.
We give ourselves and our man a break when we stop initiating, controlling, organizing, ordering and doing. A man loves providing for his woman. He loves making his woman happy. LET HIM! And be sure to acknowledge his efforts and voice your appreciation.
So if you've been making the # 1 mistake women make in relationships, relax.
You now have the answer!
Remember that men are wildly attracted to femininity! So, soften your look, your voice and the lights. Get your nails done, have flowers through your castle. Take great care of your body. Be wise. Let yourself enjoy being soft, lovely and graceful.
It's all about being sweet not weak
Let him invite, initiate and lead. I promise you that by nurturing your femininity you will feel yourself evolve more into the woman you are designed to be … a Queen partnered with her King.
© 2006-2007 Gina Ratliffe